The picnic that we attended was a very well structured event with a lot of people. There were about 50 kids, 75 parents and over 100 social workers. There were activities set up by adoption agencies (like tattoos, volleyball, bubbles and beads) and parents took charge of the tables in 15 minute time slots. Meanwhile, there were games like musical chairs and sack races. At any given time, the kids had a social worker following them and keeping them entertained and often a parent or two also. Apparently they have very high matching rates from the picnics because parents that have the opportunity to meet real live kids often broaden their criteria when they feel a connection. So, they may consider an older child or they may have a really good connection with kids that have issues that initially scared them off.

Before the kids arrived, the parents were given an orientation, with a number of rules. Don’t hog specific kids was one; let other parents have time to meet with them. Spend time with kids outside of your criteria is another. Even if you are looking for a single white 2-3 year old, throw the football around with a teenager or bead with a larger family set. We were in an unusual situation going into our first matching picnic. The combination of factors that we are looking for a sibling set, are able to take african-american children, and are also willing to handle some medical or behavioral issues meant that we are a desireable family.

There were 3 sets of kids that were within our criteria and 3 social workers that wanted to meet us and introduce us to their kids. It isn’t always like that. Sometimes there are only a few younger single kids that many of the parents are interested in. Typically, it is more of a competition between the parents to get the attention of the kids and social workers. In our case, the tables were slighlty turned, we had social workers coming up to us and saying, “Hi, wouldn’t you like to meet _________?” Because we were on a specific mission to spend time with these 3 sibling sets, we weren’t expected to spend time with kids outside of our criteria. We had our plates full.

Sibling set #1 was one of the first to arrive. We knew a lot about them beforehand and we had gotten a lot of really positive feedback from their social worker. They were very bouncy, but also had a shyness about them. They talked, but not a lot and when they did, it was often quietly. They were excited to see squirrels running around and about all of the events.

Sibling set #2 we knew very little about going into it and got to spend less time with them at the event. It turns out that their bio parents are trying to get them back while the county is trying to find them a potentially adoptive home. We still need to get more information about this process, but it will likely rule them out for us.

Sibling set #3 are actually legally freed for adoption. This is unusual since parental rights are often not terminated until the kids have already been living in an adoptive home. These kids were very charismatic. Actually, they became the center of attention whichever activity that they went to. We had a really nice time playing cards with them, but also spent a great deal of time talking to their social worker to learn more about them.

Just before we left, we got a sense of what the timeline could be like and were told that we need to make a decision about what our first choice of kids are. At that point, the social worker will evaluate which is the best family for her kids. Then we can do a disclosure meeting and start doing visits with the kids.

On the way home, J- and I discovered that we actually were leaning towards different kids as our first choice. We needed to talk to our “buddy family” and get some insight and process our feelings with some friends. It soon became clear why we were each drawn in the ways that we were. This helped us sort out our priorities and we have managed to move closer to being on the same page.